Enough of me

Have you ever read the book, A Fair Bear Share?  Chances are, if you aren't a K-2 teacher, then you probably haven't.  Don't worry, I won't hold your shortcomings against you.  As a teacher, fairness is an upmost priority for me and my students, and trust me, if I ever let anything slip by that isn't fair (which I never do, because I am perfect after all), my students call me out on it faster than an Expo marker can get ruined in the classroom.  A Fair Bear Share is a book that helps my students to learn about equal parts and fractions, but I also use it as powerful teaching tool to help navigate some of those very first grade moments, like.....

"Uh-oh.  If you take all of the markers in the writing center and don't let anyone else use them, is that really a 'fair bear share'?"

Or

"I know you really want another juice box, but there isn't enough for everyone else to have another one, too.  Now, that really wouldn't be a 'fair bear share,' would it?"  (Insert knowing, but loving teacher look [here].)

So, with many fairness issues to deal with on a daily basis at work, it's not uncommon for me to bring some of those very same thoughts home with me each night.  

Are my boys getting a fair share of me?    

Before Jack and Rowan were even born, I was very concerned with fairness. Everything I did, I of course made sure I did times two.  A sweet friend of mine, who also happens to be an awesome mommy herself, suggested that I write a journal for each of the boys.  I started this journal soon after we found out we were expecting.  As with everything, if I wrote a page and a half in Jack's journal, then you better believe I wrote a page and a half in Rowan's journal, too.  It has to be fair, right?  This was only the beginning.....

Once the boys arrived, my fairness issues went into overdrive.  Here my poor little babies were laying by themselves in hospital beds when they should have still been cooking away and relaxing in the womb.  I made it my mission that visits to the NICU were always divided equally.  If I held and fed Jack for an hour, then I also had to hold and feed Rowan for an hour, too.  I would go back and forth like that, making sure they each had their fair share of "mommy love."  If something happened and I couldn't give one the same amount of time, I felt awful!  Ask Jody, he was usually the one who had to hear me whine about it at home.  :)

Now that we've been home for almost six months, fairness still plays a daily role in our lives.  Of course, going to work and being away from them for eight hours at a time makes it worse.  It is very important for me to switch off feedings and play times with the boys.  I often feel guilty if I end up spending more time with one than I do the other.  It's during these moments that I can't help but think about their lives if they didn't have to share a mommy.  Would they be happier?  Would I do a better job?  I realize that I can't think like this.  After all, I'm sure this is how many moms feel who have more than one child.  Twins or not, each child is unique, special, and more than deserving of his or her own mommy time.

So, are my boys getting enough of me?

When I mentioned this fear to another very dear (and wise) friend of my mine, she told me this:

"But Catherine, you've given them the gift of each other."  

And then I realized, that is so true.  How many other people can say that on the day they were born, their best friend was, too?  Yes, my boys need me, and there will be times when one will need me more than the other, but they also have each other.  It is fun AND exhausting to raise twins, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Jack and Rowan are two very special little guys who have SO many different people who love them.  I mean, even my first graders would move mountains for them, and they haven't even met.  When God gave us these little boys to raise, He knew we'd have the support to help give them everything they need.  

Now it is my goal to remember that every diaper I change, every bottle I fill, every toy I play, every song I sing, and every hug I give, is enough of me.          

   

The Four B's

Sleep (noun)

"The natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored." (Thanks Webster...)

So, yes, as you can guess, sleep isn't something that has been high on my "to-do" list over the past six months.  Actually, it is on my "to-do" list; it just never gets crossed off.  :)  In fact, I keep getting this sneaky feeling that I'm starting to look like a zombie from one of those post-apocolyptic books that I secretly like to read.

The good news?  I'm not alone!  Moms all over are feeling my pain and sharing their own memories of sleepless nights.  Although I generally hate to hear about other people suffering, it does make me feel good that I'm not the first or the last person to ever go through this.

More good news?  It gets better!

Rewind to June of last year.    

Before the boys were born, Jody and I took a class together called "How to Care for Your Newborn."  The teacher of this class actually had twin boys.  She taught us that course material like our very lives depended on, and looking back, they kind of did!  We learned many valuable things that day, but by far, this was the most important:

The Four B's!
*Bath
*Book
*Bottle
*Bed    

When the lady taught us about this nightly bedtime routine, she mentioned several times that this was something that we probably wouldn't get around to implementing right away; however, she did recommend starting it, you know, after the first week home or so.  (Pssssshhhhhh!)

Fast forward five months.

Jody and I are dead tired and wondering how in the world we are going to make it through this.  Then it hits us!  The Four B's!!  Granted, we were trying this several months after the recommended start date, but I'm about 75% sure that lady was some sort of Mommy Robot anyway.

Now, let me tell you, aside from some teething, SVT, and reflux issues, the Four B's have literally saved our poor, little tired hearts.  Here is our new nightly routine:

1.  Bath time!  Now, in the beginning Rowan hated it, but the idea slowly began to grow on him.  Jack has always been pretty chill about getting a bath, so this part of the plan worked flawlessly for him.  After a few days, they both loved it.  They were both used to baths, but before they were just on different nights throughout the week.  In other words, it wasn't a predictable routine for them.  Now, it's a nice way to wind down the day, and if anything, it's always fun to see who is going to get peed on (which is usually me, since Jody seems to have some sort of sixth sense about these things and bolts before it even happens).

Getting ready for our bath!

Rowan, all warm after his bath

Happy Jack

2.  Book!  I LOVE THIS PART!  Now, I've always read books to them, but now that we do it at a set time every night, it is amazing to watch their enjoyment of it all.  They smile and kick when I get out the books.  They actually sit and stare (quiet as little mice, mind you), and look at the pictures.  Now they also try to turn the pages for me, which I know will soon lead to random page turning before I'm even done reading the page.  :)  

3.  Bottle!  This has always been the trickiest part for us, simply because we have a lot of medicine to give the boys at night.  Both boys take reflux meds thirty minutes before they eat.  Rowan also has to take a round of heart medicine at 9:30, and he has to eat right after that dose so that he doesn't spit it up.  Our eating times are right on schedule every day, so that we can keep Rowan's medicines on schedule. It took us awhile to find something that works, but now we're on a roll!

4.  Bed!  Whew!  After a long day, this is something we all look forward to.  The boys still have to sleep inclined right after they eat, so this has been an issue for us.  We can't wait until their reflux gets even better than it already has, so they can eat and lay flat.  They would sleep so much better if they could!  Right now, we are sleeping from 10-3:45 (which is when another dose of Rowan's heart medicine is due), so that's pretty good.  Now, we don't always sleep straight through during this time.  We usually wake up an average of five times during that span (and sometimes Jack will wake Rowan or Rowan will wake Jack), but at least a few times a week we are able to sleep straight through-ish.  I know what you're thinking....you call waking up that many times during the night success??  Well, it is much better than getting up every two and a half hours to feed them.  At least with these wake ups, they are usually short lived and easily soothed.   So, progress!

With each passing day, our sleep patterns get a little better.  It won't be long until those boys are sleeping until noon, and I'm begging them to get up, so I guess I better enjoy this time while I have it!