What You're Going Through Matters

Many, many years ago, when I was going through something particularly difficult in my life, my sister told me something that went a little like this:

Sometimes things happen to us that we don't understand, and it hurts; but maybe we go through certain things so that when someone close to us has something similar happen, we can help them through it because we've been there, too.

During that moment in my life, my sister understood what I was going through, because she, too, had crossed a path very similar to mine.  As with everything else in life, I got through it, just as my sister did in the previous years before me.  Though the moment passed, I'll never forget what she said to me, and in difficult times, I often find myself thinking about her words again.  

So, this morning, I woke up with the urge to tell you one thing:

What you're going through matters.  

It may be something big, small, exciting, stressful, or just plain awful, but whatever it is, someone, somewhere is going to experience something similar, and when they do, they'll need you.  

One of the biggest challenges I've faced in life, is simply raising my twins.  Jack and Rowan are my heart.  They are double the blessing, but as one might imagine, double the work.  So when I recently met a mom of twin first graders, I didn't realize how much I was missing the support of fellow moms with multiples.

The first thing she said to me was this:  "So, twins!  How were the first several months?  Horrible, right?"

My first thought was, Oh my goodness, I LOVE you!  

And my response was, "Yes, and I think we almost died."  

You see, she was using what I call "Twin Mommy Humor."  As a mom of twins, a lot of times you just have to roll with it, and other times, you just have to be, well, blunt.  Of course, we shared a mutual understanding that we would do it all over again for our twins in a heartbeat, but we are both beyond thrilled that we've somehow made it through those extremely difficult times.  It was such a comfort for me to talk to her, because I am so often very hard on myself.  Her words lifted a heavy burden from my shoulders and helped me to realize that, see, you're not near as bad as you thought!  

While this mother's experiences helped me because we both went though something similar, I've also learned that hardships come in all different shapes and sizes.  You don't necessarily have to be going through the exact same situation in order to gain understanding and encouragement from someone else.  This is exactly the case with one of my dear friends, who has bravely battled through multiple miscarriages over the past several years.  

Before I tell you how she helped me, here is a little bit of my story:  

When Jack and Rowan were infants, their life got off to a unique and challenging start.  They spent their first three weeks of life in the NICU, where they were kept on a strict feeding schedule throughout the day and night to ensure proper growth.  When they came home, they were of course, still on this schedule.  Soon after, Rowan got diagnosed with SVT, and I had to begin giving him heart medicine at 3 AM (although, on most nights, I was already wide awake at this time).  The boys also had horrible reflux.  They had to sleep elevated, which also caused them not to sleep well.  They were used to waking up several times during the night for feedings, and they often cried in between feedings and woke each other up.  To make matters worse, a medication that Jody was taking for his Crohn's made his blood levels drop very low.  We soon learned that extreme irritability is a nice little side effect of lower blood levels. This of course, couldn't have come at a better time, as lack of sleep can also be a cause for extreme irritability.  :)  

It was a difficult time to say the least.  Most nights, I slept an hour or two, while desperately trying to keep the boys quiet so Jody's body could heal and get some much needed rest.  We would both wake to feed the boys, and I would wake again to give medicine.  I quickly discovered that I am the type of person who can't go back to sleep easily after getting up and moving around.  This meant that I spent most nights for the first 7 to 8 months of their life not sleeping.  As a mom, this was challenging.  As a first grade teacher to twenty six-year-olds, I seriously don't know how I made it.  Finally, at 9 months, we were able to give Rowan his heart medicine every eight hours, which meant we could wait until 6 AM.  The boys' reflux also improved, and they were finally able to lie flat in their cribs.  From then on, it's been pretty smooth sailing. 

               

The point of this is, even though I say I don't know how I made it, I really do. My dear friend is the reason I kept going each night.  No, I have not experienced miscarriage, but what she went through still mattered to me. When I would be up in the middle of the night, consoling one of my sweet babies and wondering how in the world I was going to make it through work that day, I would think of her.  I would say to myself, "Don't you take this for granted, Cat, because she would give anything to be in your shoes, rocking her sweet babies, just like you are now."  Through her faith and determination in an unimaginable situation, she taught me to value every second of my time with the boys, even the very trying ones.  Essentially, she helped me to be a better mother, which is one of the most precious gifts that a friend can give.

Whatever may be happening in your life, know that it matters, not only to you, but to so many others as well.

Oh my sweet, once sleepless monkeys---how I love you so!

Beach!!

Yes, that's right....Beach!  Or at least that's the word that Jack and Rowan kept yelling out for a solid week when we told them that we were taking a last minute trip to St. Simon's Island.  This year we decided to take the plunge and adventure out on our own as a family of four.  We knew it would be interesting, but we were excited to share in this experience with our boys.

This was our first time going to St. Simon's, and we loved it!  It is the perfect family beach spot.  There were lots of things for the boys to do, and there were even lots of restaurants that Jody could eat at, which is a very rare find.  Apparently, this place was made for us.  :)

Here are a few highlights from our trip. . . .


We ate lunch at Cafe Frederica.  The boys loved the choo-choo train that went around the room. Rowan currently has a major choo-choo obsession. 

We ate pizza at a nice-ish restaurant and were a little loud.  Apparently the boys' inside voice is eerily similar to their outside voice.  Who knew?

We played at the Splash Zone Park.  The boys loved it and would only leave when we promised them ice cream.  They were none too pleased to have this kind stranger take our picture.  

While exploring Jekyll Island, we took a ride on this cool family bike.  Again, the boys had a blast!

This is the life, boys!  As a funny side note, we had to pull over when a horse and buggy tour came by.  The passengers on the tour took our picture, as if we were just one of the many attractions that they were going to see on their vacation ride.  Although, I can't say I blame them.  We are a little crazy. . . .

Rowan, checking out the water

Perfect, overcast day for the boys to play

Chasing after Jack and Mommy

Checking out the water with Daddy

Fun!

I LOVE the beach!!

We shared a yummy cupcake at the Sweet Shop.

As you can tell, our first family trip went blissfully well.  We had so much fun that we plan on going back next year!

Us Mommies Should Stick Together

Well, three hours into our trip home from the beach, it happened.  You know, that thing that's pretty high up there on the "I really hope this doesn't happen while I'm traveling with my twin two year olds" list.  Oh yeah, you guessed it.  

Traffic.  And lots of it.

All was going very well.  We had just stopped for a nice lunch, and then proceeded to run our little boys ragged through the small strips of grass that lined the restaurant.  I couldn't help but laugh, as the only other people doing the same were pet owners, who apparently have a lot in common with parents traveling with small children.  

After we changed diapers in the back of our overflowing van, we artfully coaxed the boys back into their carseats by promising a "quick" trip home full of Curious George, soy milk, song, and if they were sweet, the occasional cookie.  Although they weren't fully convinced, they went ahead and climbed in anyway, and we started on what we hoped would be our fast drive home.  

The first hour went great, as Jack quickly fell asleep for his afternoon nap.  Rowan, on the other hand, has discovered that he's not much of a car sleeper.  In fact, he prefers to giggle deliriously, while throwing toys and blankets from his carseat and yelling for Mommy to get them.  We kept hoping that the sleep would overtake him, but alas, he has more willpower than we gave him credit.  Although I did grow weary from the incessant toy fetching, Jody and I were still pleased.  I mean, Rowan may not have been napping, but at least he was happy, right?  Oh, and not to mention Jack--total rockstar!  How in the world he slept through his brother's wildness, I'll never know.

Then, little by little, as it so often happens, the cars around us began to slow, and before we knew it, we were c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g down I-75.  By this point, Jack had woken up, none to happy to find that he was still stuck in the car.  Rowan passed the point of sanity and started making random noises that were boarder line animal.  To make matters even more pressing, just as we topped a small hill and saw cars lined in front of us for miles, Jody announced that we're also running low on gas.

It was a this point that my heart sunk.  It was official.  My family had been cooped up in the car for going on six hours, my husband was hungry because he was going to wait until later to get a sandwich, and later turned out to be never, and now I was going to run out of gas and be stuck on the side of the road with my two year olds.  Worst Mommy of the Year Award, here I come!

Instead of going into full on panic mode, which to be honest, usually happens, we did what we do best--eat.  I pulled out some snacks and started shoveling them as fast as the boys could catch them.  Just like their mommy, snacks tend to make my boys very happy, and though I was exhausted, things were looking up for the moment.  

And that's when I saw her.  As a general rule, I try not to make eye contact with any drivers around me, especially if we are in stop and go traffic; but for some reason today, I broke my rule, and I'm so very glad that I did.  In between the snack procession, I looked up to see a family pass by in a mini van beside us.  The mom in the front passenger seat was looking out the window, watching me hand out foods to my little birdies.  She gave me the kindest smile, and instantly, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I beamed right back, and just like that, she blended into the rest of the million cars trying to inch by on the highway.

You see, this wasn't just a smile.  This was encouragement.  This was acknowledgement, that yes, while being a mom is such a blessing, at times, it is very challenging, too.  Her sweet smile said that while her kids in the back seat where now grown, there were days when she, too, was turned around, trying not to get strangled by the seatbelt while she passed out goodies to her tots.  With one simple gesture, this mom changed my whole outlook on this debacle called The Drive Home.  

We may not have known each other, but we both knew the one thing that counts:  we're both moms.  

Motherhood comes with both successes and challenges, and the key to making it through those tough times is support.  As moms, we have to stick together.  Whether you've been a mom for forty years or a new mom of one, we all share a special bond.  I think that's why it's so important that we all remember what it was like to be in that Mommy's shoes.  You know, the one who is having a rough go of it and needs a little encouragement.  Sometimes, all it takes is a simple smile to turn a day around, or in my case, a trip.  

As you can guess, the next 2 1/2 hours of our drive went by without a hitch.  We even stopped by Race Trac to get some yummy frozen yogurt (both a treat for the boys and their tired mommy).  And as for me, I'm glad to be home, but I'm most thankful for my mommy friend.  She saved the day. 

An armful of Love