Have you ever found yourself asking this question: Lord, what do I do?
I certainly have, and it seems like here within the last few months, I've been asking it a lot. It's an odd experience to feel a pull, a gentle tug down a path that you can't yet see, and you have no idea where you are going. It's there though, all the same, and even when I don't know where to place my feet, I know that I'm being led.
Over the past several months, the Wilson household has been very busy. Rowan's SVT resurfaced, Jody's Crohn's spiked to a new, scary level, and I've battled a very sore and swollen throat since October. Through all of this, there were definitely times when I felt lost and unsure of what to do. I would often find myself praying, Please, just show me a sign; please tell me if what I am doing is the right thing; and please, help me know that everything is going to be OK.
And in return, I promised to look for His signs. I promised to have my heart ready and prepared for whatever the Lord needed me to do. In short, I stopped praying for what I thought needed to happen in our lives, and I started praying for the plans that God already had all along.
The first time the Lord gave me a sign, I was alone in the car with Rowan, driving him down to see his cardiologist, whom we thought we'd never have to see again. I was pretty bummed to say the least and very apprehensive at the thought of Rowan having to go back on his heart medications. On the way, we were talking (or well, mostly I was), and we were listening to the radio.
That's first time I heard it: "Oceans" by Hillsong Untied.
This song immediately spoke to my heart, and it helped me to realize that even though we're facing trials in our lives, our focus shouldn't be on that. Instead, we should keep our eyes above to the Lord, keep our faith, and trust that He will get us through. That is His promise to us. It may not be in the way that we always think, and we may not understand His ways, but that's not the point. The point is that He's there, waiting for you to look at Him, waiting to carry your load.
For five months after that, I didn't hear the song on the radio again (though I always hoped I would), but it never left my heart. On particularly difficult days, I would go home and listen to it on the computer, letting its words remind me of what I so often forget. It wasn't until the day of Jody's first surgeon appointment that I heard it again. He had picked me up after work. I remember sliding into the passenger seat, a little more than nervous to meet the man who was going to remove a piece of my husband's intestine. Trying to hide those feelings, I remember greeting Jody with a smile, before reaching out a sneaky hand to highjack his radio. Of course, the Lord once again knew my heart, and none other than "Oceans" filled our speakers. I didn't immediately say anything to Jody about it. Instead, I leaned back in the seat, let my worries go, and thought, "Lord, are we having a moment, because I think we're having a moment?"
And as it turns out, we were. Jody's surgeon appointment went the very best that we could have ever expected it to go. Our surgeon was confident, funny, and so very, very kind. When we left, we couldn't have been more pleased, and any worry that we had about the procedure had been wiped away. To end the day, Jody dropped me back off at my car, and we each left to go home and pick up our sweet boys. As soon as I got in my car, I was completely floored with what I heard. My song. Again. Here I had gone months without hearing it, and now in the same day, within a few hours, I had heard it twice. This time, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. All the while, I had been asking God for a sign. Anything to let me know that we were taking the right path, and He was delivering. You see, in my eyes, surgery had never been an option for Jody. It was painful, it was scary, and it seemed to be the very last option on a list of already dwindling ones. Plain and simple, I didn't want it; but God changed that for me. He changed that for us both. With a simple sign, a simple song, he reminded us to keep our eyes upon him. It was never our job to worry or to decide what to do. It was always His, and when we let go, we found peace in His plans.
Weeks passed in the time leading up to Jody's surgery, and things were looking well for us. In order to give Jody the best shot at a successful surgery and recovery, he had to quit taking several of his Crohn's medications. This was a little scary to say the least, but we had to keep our faith and stay strong. About two weeks before surgery, Jody suffered a horrible bout and ended up having to go to the ER because he was in so much pain. On the drive over, we were both stressed, worried that he wasn't going to be able to make it to his surgery date. Of course, just like with every other crazy situation that we've faced, the best thing happened. Our song came on, and from the moment I heard it, all of the fear melted away.
Everything ended up working out perfectly fine that night, as God showed us that it would. Aside from spending eight hours in the ER, Jody was sent home on some powerful pain meds, and he made it two more weeks to his surgery date. He made it through his surgery with flying colors, and we are so thankful for the awesome surgeon that God placed in our lives.
Exactly two weeks later, I went in for my dreaded tonsillectomy, which ended up being a hoot in itself. God's signs for us certainly didn't stop with Rowan and Jody, and I'm excited to share what else He has done in my life in another post sometime soon.
Until next time, keep your eyes above the waves, and find the joy in the Lord's signs for your life. They are there, I promise.
And just in case you haven't heard it, you should.
"Oceans" by Hillsong United
And in return, I promised to look for His signs. I promised to have my heart ready and prepared for whatever the Lord needed me to do. In short, I stopped praying for what I thought needed to happen in our lives, and I started praying for the plans that God already had all along.
The first time the Lord gave me a sign, I was alone in the car with Rowan, driving him down to see his cardiologist, whom we thought we'd never have to see again. I was pretty bummed to say the least and very apprehensive at the thought of Rowan having to go back on his heart medications. On the way, we were talking (or well, mostly I was), and we were listening to the radio.
That's first time I heard it: "Oceans" by Hillsong Untied.
This song immediately spoke to my heart, and it helped me to realize that even though we're facing trials in our lives, our focus shouldn't be on that. Instead, we should keep our eyes above to the Lord, keep our faith, and trust that He will get us through. That is His promise to us. It may not be in the way that we always think, and we may not understand His ways, but that's not the point. The point is that He's there, waiting for you to look at Him, waiting to carry your load.
For five months after that, I didn't hear the song on the radio again (though I always hoped I would), but it never left my heart. On particularly difficult days, I would go home and listen to it on the computer, letting its words remind me of what I so often forget. It wasn't until the day of Jody's first surgeon appointment that I heard it again. He had picked me up after work. I remember sliding into the passenger seat, a little more than nervous to meet the man who was going to remove a piece of my husband's intestine. Trying to hide those feelings, I remember greeting Jody with a smile, before reaching out a sneaky hand to highjack his radio. Of course, the Lord once again knew my heart, and none other than "Oceans" filled our speakers. I didn't immediately say anything to Jody about it. Instead, I leaned back in the seat, let my worries go, and thought, "Lord, are we having a moment, because I think we're having a moment?"
And as it turns out, we were. Jody's surgeon appointment went the very best that we could have ever expected it to go. Our surgeon was confident, funny, and so very, very kind. When we left, we couldn't have been more pleased, and any worry that we had about the procedure had been wiped away. To end the day, Jody dropped me back off at my car, and we each left to go home and pick up our sweet boys. As soon as I got in my car, I was completely floored with what I heard. My song. Again. Here I had gone months without hearing it, and now in the same day, within a few hours, I had heard it twice. This time, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. All the while, I had been asking God for a sign. Anything to let me know that we were taking the right path, and He was delivering. You see, in my eyes, surgery had never been an option for Jody. It was painful, it was scary, and it seemed to be the very last option on a list of already dwindling ones. Plain and simple, I didn't want it; but God changed that for me. He changed that for us both. With a simple sign, a simple song, he reminded us to keep our eyes upon him. It was never our job to worry or to decide what to do. It was always His, and when we let go, we found peace in His plans.
Weeks passed in the time leading up to Jody's surgery, and things were looking well for us. In order to give Jody the best shot at a successful surgery and recovery, he had to quit taking several of his Crohn's medications. This was a little scary to say the least, but we had to keep our faith and stay strong. About two weeks before surgery, Jody suffered a horrible bout and ended up having to go to the ER because he was in so much pain. On the drive over, we were both stressed, worried that he wasn't going to be able to make it to his surgery date. Of course, just like with every other crazy situation that we've faced, the best thing happened. Our song came on, and from the moment I heard it, all of the fear melted away.
Everything ended up working out perfectly fine that night, as God showed us that it would. Aside from spending eight hours in the ER, Jody was sent home on some powerful pain meds, and he made it two more weeks to his surgery date. He made it through his surgery with flying colors, and we are so thankful for the awesome surgeon that God placed in our lives.
Exactly two weeks later, I went in for my dreaded tonsillectomy, which ended up being a hoot in itself. God's signs for us certainly didn't stop with Rowan and Jody, and I'm excited to share what else He has done in my life in another post sometime soon.
Until next time, keep your eyes above the waves, and find the joy in the Lord's signs for your life. They are there, I promise.
And just in case you haven't heard it, you should.
"Oceans" by Hillsong United
God does, in deed, speak to us in miraculous ways. Thanks for sharing!
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