What You're Going Through Matters

Many, many years ago, when I was going through something particularly difficult in my life, my sister told me something that went a little like this:

Sometimes things happen to us that we don't understand, and it hurts; but maybe we go through certain things so that when someone close to us has something similar happen, we can help them through it because we've been there, too.

During that moment in my life, my sister understood what I was going through, because she, too, had crossed a path very similar to mine.  As with everything else in life, I got through it, just as my sister did in the previous years before me.  Though the moment passed, I'll never forget what she said to me, and in difficult times, I often find myself thinking about her words again.  

So, this morning, I woke up with the urge to tell you one thing:

What you're going through matters.  

It may be something big, small, exciting, stressful, or just plain awful, but whatever it is, someone, somewhere is going to experience something similar, and when they do, they'll need you.  

One of the biggest challenges I've faced in life, is simply raising my twins.  Jack and Rowan are my heart.  They are double the blessing, but as one might imagine, double the work.  So when I recently met a mom of twin first graders, I didn't realize how much I was missing the support of fellow moms with multiples.

The first thing she said to me was this:  "So, twins!  How were the first several months?  Horrible, right?"

My first thought was, Oh my goodness, I LOVE you!  

And my response was, "Yes, and I think we almost died."  

You see, she was using what I call "Twin Mommy Humor."  As a mom of twins, a lot of times you just have to roll with it, and other times, you just have to be, well, blunt.  Of course, we shared a mutual understanding that we would do it all over again for our twins in a heartbeat, but we are both beyond thrilled that we've somehow made it through those extremely difficult times.  It was such a comfort for me to talk to her, because I am so often very hard on myself.  Her words lifted a heavy burden from my shoulders and helped me to realize that, see, you're not near as bad as you thought!  

While this mother's experiences helped me because we both went though something similar, I've also learned that hardships come in all different shapes and sizes.  You don't necessarily have to be going through the exact same situation in order to gain understanding and encouragement from someone else.  This is exactly the case with one of my dear friends, who has bravely battled through multiple miscarriages over the past several years.  

Before I tell you how she helped me, here is a little bit of my story:  

When Jack and Rowan were infants, their life got off to a unique and challenging start.  They spent their first three weeks of life in the NICU, where they were kept on a strict feeding schedule throughout the day and night to ensure proper growth.  When they came home, they were of course, still on this schedule.  Soon after, Rowan got diagnosed with SVT, and I had to begin giving him heart medicine at 3 AM (although, on most nights, I was already wide awake at this time).  The boys also had horrible reflux.  They had to sleep elevated, which also caused them not to sleep well.  They were used to waking up several times during the night for feedings, and they often cried in between feedings and woke each other up.  To make matters worse, a medication that Jody was taking for his Crohn's made his blood levels drop very low.  We soon learned that extreme irritability is a nice little side effect of lower blood levels. This of course, couldn't have come at a better time, as lack of sleep can also be a cause for extreme irritability.  :)  

It was a difficult time to say the least.  Most nights, I slept an hour or two, while desperately trying to keep the boys quiet so Jody's body could heal and get some much needed rest.  We would both wake to feed the boys, and I would wake again to give medicine.  I quickly discovered that I am the type of person who can't go back to sleep easily after getting up and moving around.  This meant that I spent most nights for the first 7 to 8 months of their life not sleeping.  As a mom, this was challenging.  As a first grade teacher to twenty six-year-olds, I seriously don't know how I made it.  Finally, at 9 months, we were able to give Rowan his heart medicine every eight hours, which meant we could wait until 6 AM.  The boys' reflux also improved, and they were finally able to lie flat in their cribs.  From then on, it's been pretty smooth sailing. 

               

The point of this is, even though I say I don't know how I made it, I really do. My dear friend is the reason I kept going each night.  No, I have not experienced miscarriage, but what she went through still mattered to me. When I would be up in the middle of the night, consoling one of my sweet babies and wondering how in the world I was going to make it through work that day, I would think of her.  I would say to myself, "Don't you take this for granted, Cat, because she would give anything to be in your shoes, rocking her sweet babies, just like you are now."  Through her faith and determination in an unimaginable situation, she taught me to value every second of my time with the boys, even the very trying ones.  Essentially, she helped me to be a better mother, which is one of the most precious gifts that a friend can give.

Whatever may be happening in your life, know that it matters, not only to you, but to so many others as well.

Oh my sweet, once sleepless monkeys---how I love you so!